Now you don't
by Krialke
Summary: Danny is feeling guilty about what happened to Dylan in Macau and it's affecting him badly. What will Dylan do to ease his worries? Will Danny forgive himself?


**Firstly, anyone who doesn't love NYSM doesn't deserve to be called a human being and breathe the same oxygen as us. Secondly, English isn't my first language. And thirdly, this isn't Yaoi, though you can take it however you like.**

* * *

J. Daniel Atlas was feeling like the world's biggest asshole.

It had been two weeks since the big finale where they had exposed Walter and had decided to stay for a bit in New York till the Eye made new arrangements.

During said time, things were looking up for them. Walter and Tressler were behind bars, Jack and Lula had become more... _friendly_ with each other and they were still world-famous. Pretty good if you asked Danny. Now that they were laying low once again, it still was kind of boring, though Dylan's presence cheered him up somehow. Now that he was not in FBI he spent most of the time with his horsemen and overall they were becoming closer than ever.

So what had Danny with his head on his hands? Oh right, it was that last fact. When Dylan had made the comment about not belonging to the FBI anymore, Danny remembered the words he had said to him when in Macau, little before the meeting up with Walter. Even now, those words seemed to echo inside his mind every time he tried to shove them away.

 _'You're not our hero. You're not FBI, you're not a magician...You're nothing, really.'_

Danny sighed from his place on the couch and rubbed the back of his neck. His whole body looked worn out while his insides burned with guilt and shame. He was slowly drowning in self-loathing and it was affecting him badly, but he didn't care.

He couldn't believe he had let himself be so blinded by his ego that he had told Dylan that. How he had shoved the man away when he only wanted to help them.

Dylan, the man who had found them, _him_ , had _believed_ in him, had guided him and protected him. He was the reason the world knew of the Four Horsemen. He was the man who gave up on his job, his identity, his everything, for them. And what did he get as a reward?

Danny sighed again, his heart clutched painfully, and put his head on his hands. All in all, he felt crushed, angry and hurt.

"Danny?" The showman's head shot up to meet the concerned eyes of the only female Horseman. Now that he looked around, it appeared that sometime during his mental breakdown the others had joined him. Jack sat playing with a deck of cards on the other couch while Meritt was drinking while reading some book, though both occasionally looked towards him.

He straightened his back and tried to put on his usual, calm façade.

"Yes, Lula, what?"

Lula seemed uncomfortable as she tried to form words. "Well..you know...it's..Lunch time has passed and..well.." She looked at Jack for help and Danny started having a sense of dread settle inside him."You've not been eating these last few days and...well, we're worried."

"I'm fine." Danny said automatically. From his place on the table, Meritt snorted.

"You would have been more believable if you hadn't spent the last thirty minutes sighing in depression, Daniel. It doesn't take a mentalist to figure out that something bothering you."

"And we don't think it's your average 'control freak' kind of bothering, either." Jack added his own two cents.

Danny stared at them, almost astonished. He wasn't stupid, he could tell they had planned the conversation beforehand.

Lula continued. "You haven't been sleeping, you haven't been practicing and you don't really talk much..Hell, you don't even argue with Meritt or Dylan anymore! It's just..not like you."

Danny crossed his arms defensively, cursing inwardly. He had hoped they hadn't noticed anything. "It's nothing. Just leave it."

Meritt stood up and slowly walked up to Danny. Now there was a palpable tensions lowly building up in the room with Meritt trying to make eye contac with Danny, while Jack and Lula watched.

"Not gonna end well, I'm afraid." Jack whispered, looking from the oldest horseman to the control freak. Lula nodded.

Danny shook his head and pressed a hand against his eyes.

"No, no, no. You are not doing that hypnotic trick on me. Mhm. Forget it. " The showman said in a slightly annoyed tone.

"I wouldn't need to if you'd just tell us what's happening to you!" Countered Meritt.

Danny scowled. "I can handle my problems myself."

Meritt returned the gesture with a glare. "We saw how well that ended last time you did." After that a deafing silence fell in the room.

Danny froze, his face horror-stuck while Lula gasped. Jack was looking at Meritt disapprovingly while the mentalist looked like he regretted saying those last words. None of them had mentioned anything related to the darker times of their little visit in Macau and had carefully avoided the topic of Dylan's drowning incident for a reason: They hadn't wanted to pin the fault on any of them.

Those words felt as if they were slapped harshly on the showman's face. Danny's body shook as his breathing became uneven. His chest suddenly felt so heavy and his shoulders tensed. It was one thing to blame himself...It was another to hear it from someone he considered a friend and teammate.

Danny didn't answer, but slowly lowered his head. And that was when the horsemen really started to get worried. Something was dead wrong and it was big. For Daniel Atlas never bowed his head to anyone.

Meritt tried to fix his mistake. "Daniel, I'm sorry. I don't really-"

"No." Danny cut him off, clapping his hands together, his voice cracking lightly like it always did when he showed emotion. "No-You're right. You're right, I did-I screwed up."

The stammering felt like ashes on the Horsemen's mouths. Jack reckoned it had something to do with the whole Macau fiasco that had his idol like this. And he wanted nothing more than to ease the pain that was apparently eating Danny inside.

In that moment, the door opened and Dylan came in, smiling brightly with some bags on his hands. "Hey guys, I thought you were getting bored so I brought some things to-Hey, what's going on?"

Dylan watched, confused. Before him was a scene that any other day would have been branded as 'impossibile'. Jack looked relived at seeing him, Lula looked hopeful for some reason, Meritt was looking uncomfortable while Daniel...wasn't looking at him at all.

J. Daniel Atlas was facing the ground. In front of his teammates. And that just did not happen.

"What the hell is going on here?" He asked again, this time with a tone of authority.

Danny didn't look up. How could he? How could he look at this man in the eye when he caused him to be beaten badly and put on a safe to die just like his father had thirty years ago?! When he had turned his back on Dylan at the time the man needed him the most to protect the Horseman?! How could he speak to him anymore after all that he had put him through?

"Nothing's going on." He said flatly and turned to leave. Dylan however hurried behind him and grabbed Danny's upper arm, gripping it tightly. "Atlas, I'm not blind. What's wrong with you?"

Danny almost shouted at him that he didn't want Dylan's help, but as soon as he thought that, the words died on his throat. He noticed his face pale as another wave of guilt hit him. He smiled a bitter smile and Dylan felt the arm under his fingers start to shake. Again? Was he going to shove the ex-agent away again? To hurt him with his idiotic words again?

No, he didn't want to see that look on Dylan's face ever again.

Danny gulped painfully. "Please let go." He stammered and Dylan, too shocked by the obvious display of sheer weakness on Danny's broken voice, did just that.

The control freak exited the room, leaving a speechless Dylan Shrike behind, frozen dead on his tracks.

* * *

Dylan slowly turned towards the remaining Horsemen, his eyes wide and unfocused. "Was that...Danny?"

After a beet off silence, Jack answered. "Unfortunately."

Dylan seemed to snap out of it and began to get really worried. "What happened to him, he looked half-dead! And why is he acting like...like..!"

"Like we killed his puppy and told him an elephant crushed it while touring the city?" Lula suggested, drawing three incredulous stares from the male Horsemen. "Right, I'll shut up now."

"O-kay." Dylan said slowly after a small silence. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that and act like I am still waiting for an explaination."

Meritt rubbed his forehead while exhaling deeply. "Daniel has been acting this way for a while now. He doen't eat well, he doesn't sleep well...Have you noticed that he doesn't argue with you anymore?"

Dylan opened his mouth to say that there was no way Danny would stop opposing everything that went out of his mouth, (That was just the way he was, that control freak) but then he stopped and remembered that lately Danny really hadn't been arguing with him all that much. He felt dread settle inside him as he paced around the room. He looked at his Horsemen.

"Any idea why?" He asked simply and the ex-agent would have had to be blind not to notice the way Meritt stiffened and Jack flinched. Pinching the bridge of his nose as if to ease a headache, Dylan asked flatly.

"What did you do?"

"I might have...crossed the line a bit." Merit admitted. "I was trying to look into Danny's mind-"

"You know he hates that." Dylan cut him off with a small glare.

"He wasn't going to get any better if we didn't interfere and you know it." Meritt stated firmly and Dylan had to admit, he did know that. "And that wasn't really the problem. Part of it, but not the problem. Danny said he could handle it himself and I may, kind of have said that the last time he did that it didn't end very well."

"You did WHAT?!" Dylan yelled in shock and anger and Meritt shrunk a bit under his gaze. Sure, Danny did have a part in getting them all in that mess, but he acted with the team's wellbeing and future in mind. He wasn't to blame for that. He had made a mistake, and if he knew Daniel Atlas even a little bit, he could swear the younger man was beating himself up over it.

Without waiting for a response, Dylan quickly made his way towards Danny's room, dead set on making the showman let go of whatever was bothering him.

* * *

Danny heard the footsteps getting closer to his bedroom, but still didn't get up from his place on bed. He rolled to the side and tried to listen closely. He blinked when he didn't hear the sound of footsteps and prayed the reason was becaus whoever had been walking had gone past him. Maybe he was saved after all!

"Daniel, open the door. Now."

Or not.

Danny sat up and stared at the door with his heart beating. He felt anxious and, dare he say it, scared. Right now he didn't think he would be able to behave normally in front of Dylan Rho-Shrike, he reminded himself. One more thing to add at his arsenal of why he couldn't talk to Dylan right now: The man was the freaking son of the magician who had inspired him to do magic. Let's say he had quite a few questions about Lionel Shrike and he didn't think he could control the urge to know more about him.

And he didn't think bringing up the subject would make Dylan too happy, either.

Thinking quickly, Danny tried to make as little noise as possibile, hoping against hope that Dyan would think he had left his room or had gone out of the house. Dylan however, seemed to have other plans.

"Atlas, if you don't open the door right now, I'll go get Jack." Danny knew Dylan would do just that and, preferring to deal with the ex-agent only and not with all of the others too, Danny got up and slowly, taking deep breaths, reached the door. With a shaking hand, he turned the knob and opened the door enough to get a glimpse of the older man.

"Hey, Dylan, what do you want? If it's not a plan for a new show, I'm not interested." Danny said in his 'control freak' voice, as Jack had named it, though he stammered more than usually. Dylan looked at him with a blank face.

"You want to know what do I want?" He asked in a neutral vocie, his eyes boring into Danny's. "I want to know why Meritt is waiting regretfully downstairs, why Lula can't stop pacing the room, _quietly_ , and why Jack has left his cards aside."

Danny felt another familiar wave of guilt wash over him at the state of his friends. They weren't meant to be affected by his situation. He hadn't wanted them to get involved! Nervously, he swallowed.

"Oh. Well, sorry. Can't help you. Hem-if that's all, sorry. Don't know." Danny tried to close the door, but was stopped by Dylan's hand grabbing the door.

"I wasn't finished you know?" His voice felt like a knife to the gut for Danny. "I want to know what happened to J. Daniel Atlas."

"What do you mean?" The showman stalled.

"You know exactly what I mean, Danny!" Dylan finally lost that bit of patience he had left in him. He just couldn't stand seeing his horsemen like this. The last time it happened was when Henley had left and then he couldn't do anything. This time however, he would be there for his team. "What's wrong with you? Take a look at yourself! You look like a corpse walking around!"

"I'm fine." Danny tried once more, this time desperately.

At those words, Dylan's face softened. He sent Danny a humorless smile. "Listen to yourself, Danny. When has J. Daniel Atlas ever said anything in that desperate tone? When haven't you argued against anything you didn't like, particularly what I say?"

"When have you let yourself seem so weak?"

That was the final straw for Danny as he slammed the door forcefully on Dylan and ran towards the window. Carefully, he jumped through it, ignoring Dylan's shouts of his name. Danny just wanted to get away. Away from the memories, away from the sight of his friends and away from Dylan.

He was in New York. Danny smiled. He had survived in these streets when he was just 13 years old, he knew these streets like the back of his hand. He just had to avoid being seen and, he may not be in the best shape, but Danny was still a Horseman.

Quietly, he slipped through the alleys, narrowly avoiding some drunk men fighting with each other and ended up running aimlessly. After that, he heard a strange sound. Like something flowing in a silent, relaxing way.

 _'Water.'_ The showman realized and started following the sound. Looking around, he noticed the blue stripe along the shore and hurried towards it. Panting, he saw it was a river. Danny breathed in the wet air as he strolled along the beautiful river. It truly was relaxing, the deep water and the slow flowing along with the beautiful scenery. It made him forget everything for a split second.

Walking alongside the huge amount of water, he froze in place as he set his eyes on a signboard. He felt the blood leave his face and a shiver run down his spine as he read the name:

 ** _'Hudson River'_**

* * *

Danny slowly turned his head towards the river. It was ironic, really. That while he was trying to get away from Dylan, he wound up in the place where Dylan had lost everything. Slowly, he neared the river and put a hand in the water. In the water that downed his idol, in the water which robbed Dylan of his father.

Everything had started with this river. If it hadn't been for Dylan's father dying here, maybe Dylan wouldn't have grown up to be part of the Eye. Maybe he wouldn't even have been a magician. Maybe the Four Horsemen wouldn't have existed had Lionel Shrike lived.

"Didn't expect to find you here."

Danny's blood ran cold as he turned his head back. Sure enough, there stood Dylan, arm crossed and despite his words, he didn't look at all surprised to find Danny there.

The showman stared at Dylan, gaping slightly. "D-Dylan. What are you doing here?"

Dylan rose an eyebrow. "Well, there was this brat who ran away from me so I had to go after him. I was around here and started feeling nostalgic."

 _'Lie.'_ Thought Danny immediately as he twisted his lips in frustration. There was no way Dylan would go there unless something made him. It was painfully obvious by the way his eyes never stood on the river for more than three seconds and the safe distance between him and the water that Dylan wasn't feeling 'nostalgic'. He probably wished he was as far away from here as possibile.

Danny turned his back on Dylan. "Why did you follow me here?" He asked in a whisper.

Before Dylan could say anything, Danny continued. "You shouldn't have come! Why did you?! Haven't I caused you enough pain already?! Wasn't what I did in Macau enough?! Why can't you just _go_?!"

Dylan stood there, frozen. He could hardly believe what was coming out of Danny's mouth. No, wait. He could. He knew Danny was berating himself because of the whole mess with Walter, but he had assumed it was because he had put the Horsemen in danger. And here the showman was, talking about hurting him. Why would Danny say anything like- _Oh_.

"Oh." Dylan didn't know what to say. He could feel his eyes widen in pure shock. "Atlas, please don't tell me the reason for your stubborn behavior is the whole stupid, drowning thing...is it?"

Danny looked at him, incredulous and happy that Dylan couldn't bring himself to go closer. "'Stupid'? You call that _stupid_?!" Danny yelled and in that moment, he couldn't hold anything back anymore. "You almost _died_! And not only that, but in the same safe as your father did! You were beaten the living daylights out of you! Because of me! And what I said when you were trying to get us back in that market? I should have just listened to you, instead of being an egoist asshole and behaving like an attention-seeking brat! I knew I couldn't lead the team like you did and still let myself be blinded-!"

Danny gasped as he felt himself be pushed against a broad chest. It took him less than a second to realize that Dylan had crossed the distance between them and had wrapped an arm around Danny's shoulders, successfully bringing the showman in a one-armed hug.

"You were fooled." Dylan corrected. "You did a mistake and that's all. I know about it, you know? The fact that your controlling behavior runs deeper than the others think."

Danny stiffened at that, which caused Dylan to wrap the other hand around Danny, too, trying to. Comfort him and let him know that. He was there. "Living a year in hiding without being told anything put a strain on you. You were bound to snap sooner or later. I'm just sorry I couldn't stop that."

Danny finally relaxed into the hug and layer his head on Dylan's shoulder, breathing in the man's smell. "I'm sorry." He said and Dylan sighed.

"You don't need to be."

"I messed up." Danny tried again.

"Everyone did."

"You almost died."

"But I didn't."

"You were still hurt."

Dylan drew back a bit to look at Danny. "Why are you trying to make me drive you away?" He asked knowingly and Danny swalloed, looking down.

"Because the team doesn't need me."

"Danny, look at me." He did and found himself looking at two fierce black orbs, locking him into their gaze. "The team needs you Danny. You are the brother Meritt's never could be. The friend Lula needs to guide her. The idol Jack needs to look up to."

Danny's wide eyes filled with unshed tears at Dylan's words and even more at the thought of his friends. The Four Horsemen.

Danny chuckled and started rubbing his eyes with his sleeve. "And?" He prompted almost teasingly the older man. Dylan for his part started to pretend he was looking around.

"I don't know, I was thinking maybe I should choose a successor." He said innocently and just like that Danny's felt every bit of guilt, hurt, unsecurity or doubt leave his body only to be replaced with pure happiness. He felt like a child would if his dad told them he was proud of them. Righ now, Danny felt invincible.

Regaining his confidence, Danny shoved his hands into his pockets, putting on his "smug façade and phony arrogance" as Dylan had called it. "Really? Well, can't say I blame you. You _are_ getting pretty old, after all."

Dylan gaped at him like Danny had said the world had been rid of magic. "I dare you say that again, little brat."

"I'm twenty-five." Danny reminded him with a grin. "And if, by your logic, I'm a brat, then you're an old man."

Danny started running away from the furious Dylan, even though both of their eyes held amusement and a glint of mischief. Danny was laughing and Dylan felt good to notice it was only out of pure relief.

 **THE END**


End file.
